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cheerios_girlie

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HOME [Mar. 1st, 2005|11:01 am]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |relaxedrelaxed]
[music |Underoath-Reinventing Your Exit]

hey everybody! things have been going pretty great. i'm just here at home when i should be at school but my lil bro got sick so i had to take care of him. i doubt anybody will miss me over at school so its all good i guess. its so kool cause i just heard of this new rock band and i think its pretty bad. i started downloadin a lot of their songs. they're awesome. they're called Underoath. pretty good! yeah well anyways on wednesday its gonna be 5 weeks that me and ryan have been together. i'm so happy. i hated going from one guy to the next. i just wanted to settle down a bit with one. it looks like ryan is the one. i'm the one that actually feels lucky to have him. i thank god that someone like him has come to be a part of my life. yup yup. well i better go. i have to keep a eye on my bro. i wonder if anybodys thinkin at me at school right now. probably no one has even noticed i'm gone. well bye
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Fuck I Hate My Life At Times [Feb. 18th, 2005|05:59 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |pissed offpissed off]
[music |3 DOORS DOWN-LET ME GO]

hey people wats up. things have been going really good for me except when it comes to my mom. shes been pissin me off so much! like today was fun. i went to school and it was fun having lunch with the girls Nikki, Gabi, and Itze! they all rock! yeah so we had fun and then i went to my cuzs house (richies and erics) and we just kicked it there and then ryan came over. it was fun until my mom fukin showed up. all today she was actin so bitchy and i would think she wouldn't because she didn't even go to work. she comes over to pick up my bro from next door and she sees ryan and richie right there and then says "where is she!? tell her she has to go home!" i was like what the fuck! i fukin get so pissed at her sometimes that i just really want to get out of here and i can't because she won't even let me go out of the fukin house! ahhhhhhh! i'm so mad right now! fukin loser! i don't even want to call her anything cause i know thats bad but stil wat a bitch! okay okay! dam i need to calm myself down. with her tho its like i have no fukin life. fuck got to go. later
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I'M TRULY HAPPY!:D [Feb. 15th, 2005|05:14 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |LOSE MY BREATH-DESTINEY'S CHILD]

hey wats up ppl! lets see i haven't written in this in a while and i'm gonna try and mention some important dates. umm well if u guys didn't know im back with ryan pehanich! whoa whoa whoa! i love that boi! that was on Jan. 26! yup yup! then that weekend was the first time he was given permisson to come to my house! (even tho he's been to my house so many times already this is the actual time they knew we were together!) then lets see what else happened. we just do somethin eveyweekend! the next weekend we didn't do anything for like the first time. then the next weekend which would be last weekend i went to the dance and we had a great time over there together even tho it sucked in the beginning! as long as we were together! that is wat counts! then on saturday night i was hanging out with my cuzs of course and we went to go drop them off and while we did i went over to his house and hung out for a few minutes. i kissed him and said goodnight! yup yup! then on sunday night he came to my house all late and knocked on my window. idiot. of course he wanted me to go outside and of course i couldn't. so he took off. then on monday i got the best gift ever a kiss. jk! well that is a pretty good gift but that wasen't all. i got some perfume which was expensive! he gave me a Victioria Secret perfume that is called PINK. its smells really nice. when he dropped it off we only got to talk a little bit. but later on he came back and hung out for about 45min. it was fun cause it was me, him, aaron, and my cuz. yup! that weekend was fun. i'm happy to say that i am truly happy now. there is no mask on! yeah! well got to go!

Love Always,
Ryan's
Ruca
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EVERYTHINGS GOING GOOD [Jan. 21st, 2005|08:31 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |DAPHNE LOVES DERBY-TENNIS COURT SOUNDTRACK]

HELLO. WATS UP PEOPLES? I'M BORED. THERES NOTHIN TO DO. AND MY BOI ISN'T EVEN HOME SO, THERES LIKE NOTHIN TO DO. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WAT TO TALK ABOUT. ME AND RYAN ARE CLOSER THAN EVER. I LOVE IT HOW ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TALKIN TO ME AGAIN. OH AND DID EVERYBODY SEE HOW PURTY ALYSSA LOOKED TODAY! SHE LOOKED PURTY! I LIKE THE WAY SHE PUTS HER BANGS LIKE THAT. HAHA. OH AND I ALSO FORGOT TO TELL YOU ALYSSA, I LOVE THE SKULL SLIPPERS! THEY FUKIN ROCK! AND THE SHIRT! WOOWHOO! AHAH! OH TODAY WAS ALSO SAD. I FOUND OUT A REALLY CLOSE FRIEND OF ME AND CLAUDIA'S MOVED. JE'. THAT REALLY SUCKS CAUSE HE WAS REALLY COOL AND WE BOTH DIDN'T GET TO EVEN SAY BYE. I THINK MY CUZS RICHIE AND ERIC ARE COMIN OVER. KOO! NOW I DON'T HAVE TO BE BORED! NOTHIN REALLY KNEW HAS HAPPENED. I DON'T THINK ANYTHING. ITS CRAZY NOW THO. I DON'T REALLY FLIRT WITH ANY GUYS. ITS JUST RYAN. AND HOPEFULLY ITS THE SAME FOR HIM. I JUST FEEL SO COMFORTABLE WITH HIM. I JUST TELL HIM EVERYTHING. I REALLY HAVE NOTHIN TO HIDE FROM HIM. I JUST REALLY LIKE HIM. WELL I BETTER GO BEFORE MY CUZS COME AND START READING MY ENTRY WHICH I DON'T WANT THEM TO READ IT RIGHT RIGHT NOW SO I BETTER GO. LATER HOMIES! OH I ALSO JUST WANTED TO SAY ONE MORE THING. ONE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS(NOT MENTIONIN A NAME) SAID I ACTUALLY LOOKED TRULY HAPPY, NO MASK ON. I THINK I AM HAPPY. I'M HAPPY BECAUSE OF RYAN. THERE'S NO MASK ON NOW! YEAH!
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MY LIFE IS GETTING BETTER:D [Jan. 17th, 2005|12:03 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |JENNIFER LOPEZ-GET RIGHT]

HEY EVERYBODY. DAM THINGS ARE REALLY LIGHTENING UP 4 ME WHICH IS FUKIN AWESOME. ME AND ALYSSA R TALKIN AGAIN WAT IS SO FUKIN AWESOME TO ME! SHES THE BEST! EVERYBODY HAS TO KNOW THAT! AND EVERYBODY HAS TO KNOW THAT MANDO IS TRULY SEXY! AND JOEL IS LIKE THE COOLEST! YUP ME AND HIM HAVE BEEN JUST HANGIN OUT ALL NIGHT! THAT LIL DUDE ATE MOST OF MY FOOD IN THE FRIDGE. DON'T WORRY I'LL GET BACK AT HIM FOR THAT. ME AND RYAN ARE TALKIN AGAIN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR RELATIONSHIP THO. LIKE HE WANTS ME TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE ARE TOGETHER BUT WE REALLY AREN'T. I KINDA UNDERSTAND WHY. HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME, BUT ITS LIKE HES JUST AFRAID TO LOOSE ME BECAUSE ITS LIKE HE KNOWS THAT SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN AND IT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE AN END TO OUR RELATIONSHIP. I KINDA LIKE IT THO. TO TELL THE TRUTH. I THINK ITS KINDA KOO. LIKE CAUSE AT SKOO IF WE JUST TELL EVERYBODY WE'RE TOGETHER THAT MEANS WE CAN KISS WHENEVER. BUT IF THERE COMES A TIME WHERE JUST DON'T LIKE EACHOTHER OR SOMETHING WE CAN JUST SAY WE WERE NEVER TOGETHER AND IT WON'T REALLY HURT US BECAUSE THERE IS NO BREAKING UP. NO ONE WILL GET SAD. THAT IS SO KOO CAUSE I DON'T WAND TO HURT. I THINK THAT IS AWESOME. THE OTHER NIGHT IT WAS SO FUNNY! AND JUST SO MUCH FUN! SORRY NESSA FOR IT! BUT IT WAS FUKIN AWESOME! I WAS GOING WTIH NESSA TO HER HOUSE CAUSE SHE WAS GONNA GO TO HER HOUSE AND SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GO ALONE. WELL I ASKED MY MOM IF I COULD GO WITH HER AND SHE SAID YEA SO I WAS JUST GETTING OFF THE COMPUTER WHEN I HEARD A KNOCK. IT WAS RYAN, AARON, AND AARON'S LIL BRO AT MY WINDOW. I WAS SO SUPRISED. THEN WE DROVE AROUND A BIT IN THE CAR WITH ALL THE GUYS IN THE BACK SEAT. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. WE KISSED FOR A BIT. I FELT BAD AFTER IT BECAUSE I HAD PUT NESSA IN A HORRIBLE POSITION. I'M SORRY. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. BUT RYANS GONNA GET HIS ASS KICK FROM TWO MARKS HE LEFT ME WITH. I'M NOT GONAN SAY WAT THEY ARE BUT HES GONNA GET HIS ASSED KICKED! ANYWAYS! MY LIFE IS GOING PRETTY GOOD! YEAH! WELL I GOT TO GO! BYE PEOPLE! OH AND GREGORY, THANKS FOR CARING! SEE YA! AND MANDO THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW WAT A GREAT FRIEND YOU ARE! ALSO THANK YOU CHASE FOR KNOWING WAT I WAS GOING THROUGH AND JUST TAKING CARE OF ME WHEN I NEEDED U! UR THE BEST!
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DAM THINGS STILL KINDA SUCK [Jan. 15th, 2005|06:30 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |lonelylonely]
[music |FUEL-SHIMMER]

HELLO. THINGS HAVE BEEN....WELL CRAZY. OF COURSE THINGS ARE STILL GOING KINDA BAD BUT AT THE SAME TIME THEY'RE LIGHTENING UP. WELL FOR STARTERS I'LL NAME SOME OF THE GOOD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED. ME AND RYAN ARE COMING AGAIN CLOSER TOGETHER. I ALSO FOUND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT HIM. AS U KNOW, I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHY HE BROKE UP WITH ME. WELL LAST NIGHT I WAS TALKIN TO AARON AND WE WERE DISCUSSING RYAN WHILE HE WAS LIKE MESSING WTIH HIS BROTHERS. AARON WAS TELLIN ME HOW MUCH RYAN LIKED ME AND THAT IF HE WERE TO EVER TO SEE RYAN STARTING TO FLIRT WTIH ANOTHER GIRL HE'D REMIND HIM OF ME AND SAY OH MUCH I WAS BETTER THAN THAT GIRL. I WAS OH. AND THEN I THOUGHT OF IT. I ASKED HIM "THEN WHERE WERE U AT THE DANCE?" AND HE'S LIKE "OH. WELL I WAS REALLY WASTED AND SO WAS RYAN AND HE JUST TOLD ME TO DO AND I WAS JUST LIKE OKAY." AND THEN WHEN I THOUGHT OF IT, THATS PROBABLY WHY HE DID. WHEN RYAN GETS DRUNK HE LIKES TO GO AFTER THE GIRLS AND SINCE I WASEN'T AT THE DANCE, HE WANTED TO GET CLOSE TO OTHER GIRLS AND FELT BAD FOR BEING WTIH ME SO HE BROKE UP WITH ME. YUP. I BET THATS EXACTLY WAT HAPPENED. THEN AARON WAS LIKE "YEAH. AND THEN THE NEXT DAY WE BOTH REALIZED WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED. WE KNEW THAT HE HAD LOST SOMETHING BIG." IT'S TRUE CAUSE HE DID. WE....WELL I AT LEAST THOUGHT WE WERE PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER. BUT I DON'T GET IT. IF HE KNEW WHAT HE HAD LOST AND HE CONSIDERED IT A BIG THING, WOULDN'T HE WANT TO TRY AND GET IT BACK? WELL HE IS KINDA. ME AND HIM ARE CLOSE AGAIN LIKE BEOFER WE GOT WITH EACHOTHER. BUT STILL. I WANT TO BE HIS GIRL. I WANT TO KISS HIM WHENEVER I WANT TO. BUT I CAN'T. OH WELL. ITS NOT MY FAULT. WITH HIM I WAS ALWAYS THE ONE TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. WHY HE TAKE OVER THAT? I SHOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE HIM AS CLOSE TO ME AS HE IS NOW, BUT I JUST WANT TO BE HIS. THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. IT DOES. ALYSSA AND NIKKI ARE STILL NOT TALKIN TO ME. AT LEAST I CAN SAY I TRIED BECAUSE I AT LEAST CALLED NIKKI ONCE AND I CALLED ALYSSA BUT SHE WAS AT PRACTICE AND THAT WASENT MY FAULT. ITS SAD TO FEEL LIKE NO ONE CARES. MY PHONE NEVER RINGS UNLESS ITS RYAN. ITS NEVER ANYONE ELSE. ITS REALLY SAD. I CARE SO MUCH FOR ALYSSA. AND SHE'S THE ONE THAT SAYS THAT I ASSUME OF THE WORSE WHEN LOOK WHAT SHE'S DOIN. SHE THINKS THAT SHE WAS A BACK UP FOR ME. SHE WOULD NEVER BE A BACK UP ON MY LIST IF I HAD A LIST. SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN TOP MAJORITY. I CARE SO MUCH FOR HER BECAUSE SHE HAS PUT UP WTIH MY SHIT. SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME. EVEN BEFORE RYAN. SHE IS MY FAVORITE GURLIE! RYAN MY FAVORITE GUY! I JUST HOPE SHE KNOWS I'M DEEPLY SORRY FOR ALL THE SHIT I PUT HER THROUGH. MY SIS ALWAYS SEEMS PISSED AT ME. ITS LIKE SHE DISPISES ME. I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO HER BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS HAS TO MAKE THE WORSE COMMENTS. BEFORE SHE WOULD ALWAYS GET MAD AT ME MOM FOR DOING THAT ABOUT A GUY AND NOW SHE'S DOIN IT TO ME AND SHE DOSEN'T EVEN KNOW IT. I BET SHE DOSEN'T EVEN READ THIS BECAUSE ALL I DO IS TALK ABOUT RYAN. IT GETS ME SAD TO KNOW SHE DOSEN'T LOOK LIKE SHE CARES. EXPRESSIONS MEAN A LOT. SHE CAN MAKE THESE HORRIBLE FACES THAT JUST MAKE ME WANT TO SLAP HER FOR MAKIN THOSE FACES AT ME. OF COURSE I CAN'T. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE TREATS ME THIS WAY WHEN ALL I DO IS SHOW THAT I CARE FOR HER. EVEN WHEN SHE IS IN DEEP SHIT AND I'M SO PISSED AT HER I'LL STILL BACK HER UP. NESSA IS GETTING REALLY CLOSE WTIH ME. SHE LISTENS TO ME WHEN I NEED HER TO AND SHE'LL GIVE UNDERSTANDING ADVICE. MY MOM AND DAD ARE STARTING TO FIND MORE EXCUSES TO USE TO BE MAD AT ME AGAIN. I HATE WHEN THEY DO THAT. I AM ONCE AGAIN STUCK IN MY ROOM. THERES NOTHIN ELSE TO DO. YUP SO I BETTER GO. MY SIS IS BACK AND I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE THAT FACE AGAIN. AND RIGHT NOW I'D DO ANYTHING TO SEE RYAN. AND SAME THING WITH ALYSSA. I WISH I COULD HAVE ANOTHER LAUGHING NIGHT BUT WITHOUT A PHONE THIS TIME. YUP YUP. I LOVE YOU GUYS. AND ALYSSA I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT I CARE AND I MISS YOU! BYE!
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I JUST NEED SOMEONE [Jan. 13th, 2005|05:36 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |sadsad]
[music |THE KILLERS-MR.BIGHTSIDE]

I DON'T KNOW WAT TO DO. I'VE DONE ALL I CAN. I'M CRYING MY EYES OUT RIGHT NOW. I JUST MISS RYAN SO MUCH. ITS SO FUKIN PAINFUL. AND HERE HE IS AND HE DOSEN'T GIVE A SHIT. HE DOSEN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME. I CALLED HIM EARLIER JUST TO TALK TO HIM. AND HE SAID HE WAS BUSY WATCHING A MOVIE AND THAT WAS IT. WE SAID BYE AND THAT WAS IT. I CALLED HIM BACK RIGHT NOW ASKING IF HE WAS STILL BUSY AND HE SAID NO. HE SAID IN A FRIENDLY VOICE. I START TELLIN HIM EVERYHTING. "I HATE IT CAUSE MY LIFE IS SO SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW. MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ALL NOT TALKIN TO ME EXCEPT FOR SILLA. I LOST YOU AS A BEST FRIEND. AND .....I JUST MISS YOU SO MUCH!" IS WAT I TOLD HIM. ALL HE DID WAS OMG! AND I TOOK IT OFFENSIVELY. I WAS LIKE "WAT WAS THE OMG! FOR?!" AND HE WAS LIKE "DAM U MAKE ME FEEL BAD!" AND I WAS LIKE "I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE U FEEL BAD" AND HE CUT ME OFF SAYING "WELL YOU JUST DID!" AND I PAUSED FOR A SECOND AND THEN JUST SAID "I'M SORRY! I'LL STAY OUT OF YOUR LIFE FROM NOW ON!!" AND I CLICKED ON HIM. WAT KILLS ME THE MOST IS THAT IF HE CARED ABOUT ME, HE WOULD HAVE CALLED ME BACK. HE HASEN'T AND HE WON'T CAUSE HE DOSEN'T CARE AND HE JUST DOSEN'T WANT TO MAKE AN EFFORT WITH ME. I LOST EVERYTHING I ONCE HAD AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GO BACK IN TIME AND REDO EVERYTHING. I WOULD DO ANTHING TO BE RYAN'S CHICK AGAIN. I HATE LOVE! I HATE MY LIFE. SOMETIMES I THOUGHT JUST KILLING MYSELF WOULD BE A FASTER AND NOT SO PAINFUL WAY. YUP. DAM. I JUST WANT SOMEONE I COULD CRY ON AND THEY WERE TO HOLD ME. I JUST NEED ANYONE. I'M IN JUST SO MUCH PAIN. IT HURTS. I DON'T EVEN THINK OF THE GOOD THINGS ANYMORE. IT WAS FUN TODAY UNTIL I TALKED TO RYAN. ME, AARON, AND NESSA WENT TO LUNCH. WE HAD LOADS OF FUN. I THINK AARON HAD THE MOST THO. ME AND SILLA SEEM CLOSE, BUT NOT AS CLOSE AS ME AND RYAN WERE. I'M SO FUKIN SORRY NIKKI! I'M SO FUKIN SORRY ALYSSA! MY LIFE IS JUST SO FUKIN SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW! I'M SO FUKIN SORRY! I JUST NEED SOMEONE. I NEED SOMEONE!
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MY DEPRESSING CLOUD IS OVERHEAD [Jan. 12th, 2005|05:06 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |sadsad]
[music |FLICKERSTICK-BEAUTIFUL]

I REALLY DON'T BELIEVE ALL THE BAD LUCK THAT HAS BEEN PUT ON ME. THERE HAS ONLY BEEN LIKE THREE GOOD THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME. TWO INVOLVE MY GRADE WHICH ARE IMPROVING. AND THE THIRD ONE IS, IS THAT I'M WITH SOMEOME. I REALLY HAVE TO WORST PROBLEMS EVER RIGHT NOW. I'M ALWAYS DEPRESSED. YESTERDAY I WAS BLAMED FOR A TARDY THT WASEN'T MY FAULT. ALYSSA BLAMED ME FOR A TARDY THAT SHE COULD HAD OF LEFT ME AT ANY TIME. IT WASEN'T MY FAULT SO GET OVER IT! THEN I HAD THE WORSE LUNCH EVER YESTERDAY. THE WHOLE TIME I DIDN'T TALK. NIKKI WAS IGNORING ME TOO! WAT I GREAT FRIEND SHE IS FOR PICKING SIDES. I WALKED BACK TO SCHOOL BY MYSELF BECAUSE OF THEM. I ALMOST STARTED CRYING DURING LUNCH AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN CARE. I LOST MY BEST FRIEND TOO! MY CLOSEST FRIEND I HAD AT THE TIME. MY LOVER TOO. RYAN. ASSHOLE! HE NEVER CALLS ME. HE NEVER MAKES AN EFFORT TO TALK TO ME EVEN THO HE SAID HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS. I KNOW THAT IF WE DO TRY TO BE FRIENDS IT WOULD JUST HURT ME MORE. I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO. I TRY TO TALK TO MY MOM BECAUSE RIGHT NOW SHE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL LISTEN AND GIVE ADVICE. BUT EVEN HER I CAN'T TELL ALL. I WISH I HAD RYAN BACK BECAUSE I KNOW HE WOULD LISTEN. HE ALWAYS LISTENED. HE WAS CLOSER TO ME THEN ALYSSA, NIKKI, EVERYBODY AT THE TIME. I HATE BECAUSE I TRY MY HARDEST TO IGNORE HIM AND IT'S SO FUKIN HARD. I AM NOT THAT STRONG. I MIGHT LOOK IT WHEN IT COMES TO BREAK-UPS BUT I NOT! I CRY AND CRY AND I HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO. NO ONE TO LISTEN. NO ONE. NO ONE. I WISH FOR SALVATION TO ARRIVE. WHY HASEN'T IT COME. I HATE ME. I HATE THE WAY MY EMOTIONS TAKE OVER AND THERES NOTHIN I CAN DO TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS. I HATE MYSELF. I MISS RYAN SO BAD. I MISS LAUGHING WITH NIKKI AND ALYSSA. I MISS CHOSING WHO I WANT TO GO WTIH TO LUNCH. RYAN OR THE GIRLS? I HATE IT BECAUSE I MISS EVERYTHING. I DON'T HAVE A BEST FRIEND EXCEPT SILLA. SILLA WILL ALWAYS LISTEN BUT SHE HAS HER OWN CREW. SHE STILL IS MY BEST FRIEND THO. I JUST WANT TO STAY IN BED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE SO I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEST FRIENDS OR EX-BOYFRIENDS. OH THAT GUY I'M WITH. ITS JAVIER SANCHEZ. I'M HAPPY ABOUT IT EVEN THO I DON'T SHOW IT. DON'T WORRY I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT. I JUST THINK IT WAS WAY TO SOON. I STILL KINDA HAVE FEELING FOR RYAN. I'LL GET OVER HIM THO. I HAVE SOMEONE ELSE NOW. I JUST TRY TO KEEP THINKIN POSITIVE. LUNCH TODAY WITH KAITLEN WAS FUKIN AWESOME THO. HAHAH. SHE'S FUKIN HILLARIOUS! I'M STILL SO DEPRESSED. I'M JUST WAITING FOR THIS DEPRESSING BLACK CLOUD TO CLEAR UP. YUP YUP.
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I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S MISSING OUT! [Jan. 9th, 2005|02:32 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |okayokay]
[music |Keysha Cole-I CHANGED MY MIND]

hi everyone! dam its been a while that i've written in my journal. sorry i haven't updated it. anywas i have no idea where to start with my life. well as u hopefully know i started seeing this guy ryan the night before last homecoming. we kissed that night. well we went through this like phase like we would hardly see eachother but when we did we would kiss. well idk. well recently me i had my 15 b-day. my b-day was on the 17th. well that night ryan came over unexpectedly. i had a great night just hanging out really close with him. then he left. the next day was my party. i had an awesome time. the best day ever actually. my parents threw me a party and ryan came over again with my cuzs. during the party me and ryan had kissed in my room really quickly. i was happy i at least got a kiss that day, but then more happened. my nina marie with is the best (she's still young, like 21) had said that she was gonna take us (meaning my cuz richie, eric, ryan, me, and whoever else) to the movies and that she had to go stock up her trunk cause she was empty. i was like yes! i was finaaly gonna get drunk for the first time. well i had fun just hanging with my friends until they all had to leave. then it was my nina marie, tina, nessa, nina, richie, ryan, and me that went to the movies. it was pretty kool. we held hands throughout the movie. then afterwards we were always together. i had to take care of me when i was drunk. we stayed out only until like 2am. long enough. i had so much fun. i never really got to see him over winter vacation. on new years eve. i was kinda sad cause he was in sd when i was stuck here. well he called me like at 12:30am and i was so happy he called. for the longest time he had kept sayin he had to ask me somethin and finally he said he was gonna ask me right there and then. at 12:45am on 1-1-05 he asked me to be his girlfriend. i was so happy. monday at school it was kinda wierd but koo. tuesday was a lil better. we got to hang a lil more. wednesday i went to lunch with him. it was awesome. i was happy. thursday was koo too. we hang out during breaks. friday was funny. i was late waking up and i had like 20min to take a shower and get ready. i take a 15min shower and take the other quick 5 min getting ready. then i went to my cuz richies house cause he's suppose to take me to skool. i still finished getting ready. and then all of sudden here comes ryan. i didn't even know that he was goin with us. we hardly talked. later that i ate lunch with him and aaron and it was funny. when we were walkin out my friend ricardo had said "u don't even say hi to me theresa?" i just said a quick hi and walked out. when i was walkin out i heard ryan saying "she dosen't have to say to you!" i was like oh shit. and then i just walked out of there. i looked back and ryan was still arguing with him. i called him and he finally came while sayin he's gonna get his ass jumped. and then he put his arm around me like trying to tease ricardo but i didn't dare look back. i was shocked and confused to do anything. later that day i was gonna go hang with ryan, my cuz, and aaron but i wasen't able to go. which sucked. while the next day which was saturday (yesterday) it was homcoming and i couldn't go. i knew he was gonna dance with other girls and i didn't care. my best friends called me to say that it looked like he was humping some other girls and i was like watever i don't care. then later ryan's best friend aaron called me and said that ryan didn't want to hurt me and he didn't want to be with me anymore and just asked if i was okay. i just said yea. idk. i felt so stupid afterwards cause i was cryin cause i wanted to go to the dance so bad! and i really wanted to go dance with ryan and now he did that to me. fuck. i'm an idiot! last night was fun tho. my cuz joel spent the night and we were just hanging out getting hiper as hell. it was awesome. i also talked to ryan last night and i just told him he was a basterd and clicked on his ass. today he called me while i was with my mom in the car and he just said that he was sorry and that he asked if we were still friends and i was like yea i think so. and he got all confused with that and all i said was i got to go. watever. bye. he said he stupid excuses later to me and the were "I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU" and "I KNEW I COULDN'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND FOR LONG" everything he tells me is like now bullshit. i hate it. watever as me and my cuz joel say "HE'S MISSING OUT, I'M NOT!"
oh! i almost forgot! everybody must know that MANDO IS SEXY! jk!
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Its Never Wat It Seems [Dec. 4th, 2004|03:58 pm]
cheerios_girlie
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |Senses Fail- STEVEN!]

hey ppl. i know i hardly right a lot in this journal and i'm really sorry i don't. i've heard that i smile a lot. i know its pretty true. i think i actually know why i smile so much. it's to hide the true feelings that hide inside throughout the day and only come out at night. i always feel so depressed at home and feel so lonely. at school its a whole different story. i have my few best friends that help me through the day. i have to thank them so much even if they didn't know that they're the ones that help me the most. Thanks to Alyssa Dominguez, Laura Delgado, Priscilla Soto, Claudia Guerrero, and Rudy Chavarria. They're always there when i'm either crying or they just know i have a big problem in my hands. i always wanna cry for some reason. i wanna cry right now, and i don't even know why. i just feel so dam depressed. everyone thinks my life seems.....i don't know.....they say it like it's a nice life to live. when i tell some ppl the actual truth they don't really believe that i'm not happy as i seem. i have so many problems. me and my family never get along. i can actually go out now, but my mom says i can't go out. i don't understand. me and tina are always getting pissed at eachother. me and my mom never stop arguing and then when i actually win an argument, i'm stuck cleaning house. my bro annoys the hell out of me. my dad never wants me around. my friend kaitlen and i arent doin so well. i sometimes get annoyed of nikki but never gets to the full extent. me and ryan... its like we don't even know eachother anymore. we just nod our heads to eachother as we pass. i do still kinda like him but.....idk. he dosen't.... i do love him..... oh well. wats done is done. i'm not doin so good in my geometry class. i know i'm gonna get grounded for that too. i hate all my classes. gym is i think the only good one. i just hate my life so much!!!!!!!! why can't i just have a normal life??????? somebody:'( give me some answers that will actually make sense to me. wat i found out is that when im with a guy, i'm usually truly happy. and when i'm truly happy, eveything seems so go right for me. i do better with my grades, me and my friends are close, i get along with my family. everything just seems to go so right. i haven't felt truly happy since...i'm not sure...maybe since last year. oh well. thats just how my life ends up being. g2g. later. much.
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